Saturday, January 12, 2013

Choices, choices, up-down-up

It has been a challenging couple of days 'round here in Lissie-land. By delaying some job-related decisions I put myself in a tricky position. I spent the last few days reconsidering some of my choices, and ultimately turning down a campus interview for a tenure-track position. It was a complex choice that I'm not intending to go into much detail about here. The micro-short form is that while tenure-track positions are few and far between (thus the campus interview being a Big Deal), the time that I have with my new little family is also so short, even when some days feel very very long. When I took a good, hard and truly honest look at the situation, that particular job wasn't worth it to me to make this life so hugely complicated.
The decision isn't entirely comfortable, of course (otherwise it wouldn't have been so hard to make). This is what academic women do, they make big sacrifices for work, right? In fact, most professional women would have made this sacrifice months and months ago, in the states anyway. So I feel guilty. I feel like a bad feminist. I feel like a bad do-it-all lady, I guess because I'm not (doing it all). Even as I write this I know how ridiculous and simplistic this idea is, but I'm still going to record it here, basically so I can look back and remember this (sorry to all non-me readers). 

All of the time I spent agonizing over this decision left me thinking how different things are now that Heiko is in our lives (duh), and how important it is just to savour the moments as they happen, instead of always thinking about future plans. Again, I feel like that is a kind of overly simplistic thing to write, but it is just the truth. 

3 comments:

  1. Making difficult decisions and realizing how short your time with little H is cannot amount to being a bad feminist. If it does, it's a feminism we want no truck with. Seriously.

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    1. Oh, I know, I know. I feel somehow like I'm stuck in the second wave though, you know?

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  2. Or on the brink of the fourth wave! :)

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