Thursday, April 11, 2013

April 11, 2012

Well, it's happening.
Tomorrow, the little man will be one year old. I can hardly believe this in some ways since it seems like just yesterday that he was a floppy little blob of newborn. In other ways I feel as though Heiko has always been a part of our lives.
Of course at this time I am reflecting on all the ways that Heiko has grown and changed over the past year. But then, he's a baby, growing and changing is what he is supposed to do. What is more remarkable to me right now is that way that I've grown and changed, a transformation that is almost as dramatic. Now I'm going to ramble on about this below, and then I'll probably ramble on some more later, so consider yourself warned.

At this one year mark I've been remembering the day Heiko was born. Honestly I have to stop myself from writing about this every week because I think about so often. But this week, I'm allowing myself to linger here. Birth. What a thing to happen, that moment when one body becomes two bodies.

I guess I'm in an unusual minority of women who have caught their own babies. It is fairly uncommon these days, although historically I suppose it would have been more standard. It certainly wasn't something I had thought about doing before it happened, although I gather that there are people who set out to do it. It is funny, the plans we make about how a birth is going to go. It seems rare that these plans are realized, and certainly what happened that day a year ago was nothing like what I had imagined. Catching Heiko (was he Heiko yet?) was simply instinct. Before then I was always puzzled by the expression "catching the baby," but that is kind what happened. An acquaintance who caught his baby described it being like catching a bag of sausages. Floppy and slippery. OK, that is probably enough.

Today I'm also remembering April 11, 2012, the day before Heiko arrived. It was the last day that P and I had to ourselves, to walk through the park and drink coffees without a stroller or carrier, to do things around the house with some efficiency and eat a quiet meal! I remember thinking on that day that I had slept poorly the previous night, but my idea of a good sleep was about to undergo a massive redefinition. Knowing that I was going into labour,  I thought that I was on the verge of reclaiming my body, to stop sharing so much of myself with another human. That was only partly true of course. As I nursed Heiko to sleep tonight I realized how familiar this routine has become, and for good reason. I've literally nursed him thousands of times.

I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining here, because that is the last thing I want to do. If anything this last year with Heiko has simply made me appreciate most things more. It is as though the quiet moments are quieter, and a sound sleep is sweeter. In fact, just about everything seems to be richer, more vivid, crisper, brighter, funnier.

I could go on and on and on and on. But I'll stop here for today. I'll come back soon with some one-year photos of the H-man. And probably some more reminiscences of this last year.


  1. Happy Birthday, Heiko! I often think of your birth story too, for many reasons that are probably obvious. But one thing that has struck me more and more when I think of it, is that I should keep my bathtub cleaner. I guess that is part of wanting to feel more prepared, or nesting, or something!

    1. Heh, yeah. But honestly, nothing will make your bathtub dirty like having a baby in it. So don't stress :)
      I'm so excited for you!!!!!! !! ! ! ! !!!!